Although these songs should be presented with great seriousness, a little drama and theatricality might enhance the performance. Feel free to use accents. props, and extravagant gestures.

THE HEIGHT OF THE RIDICULOUS (Oliver Wendell Holmes)

I wrote some lines once on a time
In wondrous merry mood,
And thought, as usual, men would say
They were exceeding good.

They were so queer, so very queer,
I laughed as I would die;
Albeit, in the general way,
A sober man am I.

I called my servant, and he came;
How kind it was of him
To mind a slender man like me,
He of the mighty limb.

"These to the printer," I exclaimed,
And, in my humorous way,
I added (as a trifling jest),
"There'll be the devil to pay."

He took the paper, and I watched,
And saw him peep within;
At the first line he read, his face
Was all upon the grin.

He read the next; the grin grew broad,
And shot from ear to ear;
He read the third; a chuckling noise
I now began to hear.

The fourth; he broke into a roar;
The fifth; his waistband split;
The sixth; he burst five buttons off,
And tumbled in a fit.

Ten days and nights, with sleepless eye,
I watched that wretched man,
And since, I never dare to write
As funny as I can.

THE COMPANY ONE KEEPS

One night in late October,
When I was far from sober,
Returning with my load with manly pride,
My feet began to stutter
So I lay down in the gutter
And a pig came near and lay down by my side.
A lady passing by was heard to say:
"You can tell a man who boozes
By the company he chooses,"
And the pig got up, and slowly walked away.

THE THIRD JUNGLE BOOK (Ogden Nash)

Why does the Pygmy
Indulge in polygmy?
His tribul dogma
Frowns on monogma.
Monogma's a stigma
For any Pygma.
If he sticks to monogmy
A Pygmy's a hogmy.

THE TRAVELING MAN

I left my heart in San Francisco,
But I left my spleen in Abilene.
I left a kidney in Sidney,
And my solar plexis is in Texas.
A bladder of gall I left in St. Paul,
And my left hand in the Rio Grande,
And part of my chest is in the Northwest,
And my nose is in Santa Rose.
I left a cheek in Beavercreek,
And a toe is in Mexico.

If I had been smart and never traveled,
I'd not be unraveled.

THE MUSIC DIGEST (Herbert Woodward Martin)

The world's most famous melodies
Easy to manage, easy to digest;
Herculean Discs has condensed,
And unnecessarily deranged,
These great composers and their hits
Into unrecognizable compact form:
Claire de Lune (what a tune)
Minute Waltz (lotsa schmaltz)
Humoresque (it's the best)
Fur Elise (o what a piece)
Midsummer's Night (it's a dream)
La Boheme (that's a gem)
Rite of Spring (scary thing)
String quartets in thirty seconds;
One minute symphonies;
And two minute operas,
Forgotten melodies
Never heard at the Met.
If you have never cared for
Classic, Romantic, or
A dissonance or two
These melodies will melt your heart
Shoo be do, do be do,
And they will save you countless hours
Of needless listening,
Shoo be do be do.